Last weekend Mountain addressed the topic of pornography in week one of the Untouchables Series. I was asked to write a blurb to parents about this topic; here's what I wrote:
Parents,
Remember how hard it was navigating through your own adolescence? If you’re like most people you can very easily create a “do-over list”; changing the people you associated with, the activities you did/did not participate in, and surely some of your choices of morality. As a parent, you’re now faced with the overwhelming task of raising students through those formidable years while looking through the lens of your own parents’ wins and defeats. For your efforts, please accept a big THANK YOU as well as SOME PRAYER.
The good news is God believes in you and can give you the strength to get through this time. That is not to say it will be easy. At the root of adolescence, your students are developmentally wresting with the same issues you faced as a teen: identity, fitting in, decisions of right and wrong. What has changed significantly are the things that today’s students are exposed to.
As we look into the subject matter of pornography, it is important to see the big picture. As a parent, you need to be involved in the life of your child. God needs you to provide direction in all areas of life, including pornography. I want to encourage you to not look at this subject as a “check off item” in which you are ensuring your student is “porn free” but rather from a holistic approach – a subject that you will continue discussing with your child.
First, let’s not limit pornography to only visual images. If we define pornography as any distortion of God’s design for a sexual relationship or the objectification of a man or woman for the purpose of sexual gratification, we must take into account the music your students hear, the books they read, the television programs and movies they watch, the games they play, the discussions they have with their peers, and the internet content they view. This being the case, this is no easy task. As a parent, you must monitor and be aware of the media and messages your student is receiving.
The best response to pornography is an intentional frequent proactive approach to recasting the vision of appropriate God honoring sexual practices. Having the “porn talk” without the appropriate “sex talk” is ineffective. I would suggest looking at Jeffrey Dean’s book Plugged in Parenting as a great resource on being involved in the life of your student. You can review Jeffrey Dean’s “Top Teen List” on his web site at http://www.jeffreydean.com/staypluggedin002.html .
Practically speaking, if your student has access to pornographic material (a computer, a cell phone, television, DVD player, PSP, etc.) combined with privacy then you are enabling the key ingredients of a recipe for disaster. Here are some practical steps you can incorporate today to reduce the risk of pornographic exposure.
- OPEN DIALOGUE – Your students should know and see your willingness to “die on the hill” for their protection. You need to be upfront with your practices of monitoring their media consumption and communicate that nothing will be off limits for you to look into as a parent.
- LIMIT USAGE – Decide on the amount of time as well as the times that your students may have access to things such as TV, cell phones, and computers.
- EDUCATE – don’t assume that just because your students know how to use the computer that they know how to wisely use the computer. Review internet safeguards.
- REDUCE PRIVACY – There should not be unmonitored television, cell phone, or computer usage in your home. A surprise visit should be common place. They’re should be no private email, cell phone, Facebook or any other account that you do not have access.
- FILTER EVERTYHING – Familiarize and utilize parental lock functions on your television; purchase software such as SafeEyes for your computer and cell phone (yes, students can access pornographic material from their phones).
- MONITOR EVERYTHING – Read text messages, check email, media accounts, song lyrics, reading materials, install monitoring software such as X3watch.com.
Lastly, the internet is a REAL environment with REAL threats. You simply must spend some time educating yourself how to effectively monitor your students’ involvement. I would suggest the following links:
http://xxxchurch.com/gethelp/parents/resources.html - Check out the Parents Get Help as well as the Internet Safety. XXX church is committed to freeing people from pornographic addiction. You may find some of its efforts “shocking” as it is predominantly dealing with people who have become apathetic to their problems. Its creative edge is offensive to some. You know your child; as with all internet sites, review the web site and determine if it’s appropriate for your student.
http://www.internetsafety.com/index.php - Great resources to educate yourselves on the internet and for creating a family internet usage plan.
Parents, thank you for checking out this article and investing in the life of your child. Student Ministries exists to support you through this process. Please let us know how we can serve you in the future!
Matt is a fun-loving guy who enjoys experiencing life with as much enthusiasm and contemplation as possible. He asks a lot of great questions and occasionally gives good answers. Matt loves being a husband, dad and friend. He is the Director of Student Ministries for Mountain Christian Church in Joppa, MD and is passionate about meeting the spiritual, emotional and relational needs of all types of people.